How To Save A Life
by Voldemort's Spawn
Summary: A look at how three people tried to save one life.
1. Chapter 1: Sheehan

**How To Save A Life**

**_Chapter 1: Sheehan_**

**Summary: A look at how three people tried to save one life.**

**-sings to the tune of Free Fallin- I'm a bad girl, for not updating my other stories. I'm a bad girl for disappointing you. But I don't ca-are cause this one will freaking rock -ends singing-**

**Alright I feel better now! So I've had this story since Shutter Island opened in theatres (which was forever ago) but I didn't want to start it before I had a way to end it. Lucky for me, I found an ending to it!**

**I hope you enjoy. This is a Three-fer, so expect two more!**

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Where did I go wrong?

They tell me that wrong isn't the way to put it. They tell me that there are some people who just can't be saved. I didn't believe it then, and I damn sure don't believe it now. He could have been saved.

No. He had been saved. It just wasn't the saving I had in mind.

John tells me I should let it go. Emily tells me I should let it go. They tell me I'm going to go insane just like Andrew did. All because we won't (or didn't) let it go. But how can I let go? I spent two years with two men in the same body; two years trying to help someone bear with the unbearable. That is not something you can let go easily. Watching your best friend waste away; that sure as hell isn't something that you forget.

I'm not sure where it started. Somewhere between long conversations in my office and the cigarette smoke I crossed a line too bold not to notice. It wasn't just a patient- doctor line; it was the line of sanity, the line of normality. If you could ask Teddy, he'd probably say it started the moment the light came on. If you could asked Andrew, he'd deny it ever happen.

I wish I could do the same.

They thought I was just doing my job, and I was partly I guess. After all, I was suppose to take away the pain. I was suppose to make the nightmares stop. I was suppose to make Andrew and Teddy whole again. That was my job, they told me; plain and simple. They didn't care how I did it, they just wanted it done. Otherwise, Andrew and Teddy were doomed.

So I tried. I spent the first five months going back and forth between Andrew and Teddy, finding out what made them work. On the days with Andrew, he wouldn't say much. When he did, he talked about Rachel. The other days with Teddy, he would talk nonstop about everything and about Dolores.

Over those months I became two men in the same body myself. With Teddy, I was Chuck. With Andrew, I was Lester. I like to think that put us on equal grounds. I knew what he was going through because I was going through it myself. Of course, I will never understand what they went through, but at the time I was young and naïve. I knew everything and I could do anything.

One day, when I was with Teddy having a smoke outside on the hospital steps, he looked over at me, but didn't say a word. It wasn't something unusual. When Teddy wasn't talking, he was thinking. When he caught my eye, I took the cigarette out my mouth and exhaled.

"What cha thinkin, boss?" I asked as Chuck normally did.

Then he smiled. It was a half-smile. I was shocked, but I didn't show it. Teddy never smiled.

"Nothin, Chuck," he said and went back to his cigarette.

That was when the light came on. I saw it in his eyes when he smiled his crooked half-smile. The Lester part of me wanted to know what that meant, but as Chuck I didn't ask. I'd find out later, I told myself.

Then a week afterward, I was with Andrew in my office. His eyes were bloodshot and dark rings were starting to form. He hadn't slept in days.

"I couldn't handle the nightmares," he said. His whole body was shaking of its own accord. "I see her. I see her floatin in the water. My baby girl floatin in the water askin me to get her out, but I can't. I can't reach her." He stared down at his trembling hands with tears falling down his cheek. "I stretch my arms out as far as they can go, but my fingers, they don't even skim the water. "

Then he looked up, his eyes meeting mine. In that simple motion, something inside me broke as his grief washed over me. He was a drowning man sinking fast with only my hand reaching out to grab him, just like in his dream. Deep down, a part of me understood that I'd never catch him and if I did, he was already too far gone.

At the time, however, I wouldn't except that notion.

"Andrew, you did what could," I tried to reassure him. "You've got to realize that."

He shut his eyes and head shook rapidly as I spoke. I watched his hands grip his knees hard enough to make his knuckles white. I braced for the worst.

"No, no I didn't," he said, "I should have never left her. She told me not too but I didn't listen. She begged me, 'Daddy, stay home. Daddy don't go'. She cried when I left. I had to pry her little hands off me just to get out the door. What kind of person am I? I left her with that, that monster. What kind of person does that? What kind of father ignores his baby's cries and leaves them with a monster?" He shouted.

"Andrew, she was your wife, you didn't know-"

"I DID KNOW!" He screamed, jumping out the chair and flinging it to the floor. "I knew the fucking whole time!" He backed into the left corner, leaning on the wall for support as he spoke. I got out of my own chair and walked slowly to him.

"Andrew, you need to calm down," I whispered, hoping against hope he'd listen.

"I knew she was crazy." The words hissed out as more tears fell. "I saw it in her eyes when I first met her. I thought I could fix it. I was selfish. All I could think was, 'if she's crazy than what did that make me?' God, I loved her. I assumed if I loved her enough, she'd see reason. Not for herself, but for me; for the kids. Even if she didn't, I told myself my sanity was good enough for the both us. It had to be." His voice broke as I stood in front of him and grab his shoulders gentle. "I was so foolish."

"No, you weren't," I whispered. His eyes were shut tight and his forehead leaned against mine. "You were in love. You loved Dolores and that doesn't make you a bad person, Andrew, it makes you someone who cared. It's only natural that you wanted to fix her yourself; _she was your_ _wife._"

I knew it was a lie.

I knew he was selfish and it did make him a bad person. A good person would have gotten help. They would have seen that they couldn't do it on their own. Yet, I stood there and lied as I held him up to keep him from collapsing.

I wasn't a liar. I was a doctor who told the truth; always. But as Andrew's clammy forehead pressed against mine, that something inside me couldn't bear to confirm his fears. It was the same part of me that broke moments before from the grief in his eyes.

"Take pain away," he said softly. His sore blue eyes opened and met mine.

"Andrew, you've got to-"

"I don't want too." More tears fell out of his eyes.

I sighed and hugged him because I didn't know what else to do. His grief sank into my bones. It's still there to this day.

"Then don't," I spoke softly, "It happened and there is nothing you can do to change that. You don't have to live with it, but you've got to let it go. Do what it takes, Andrew. Otherwise, you're gonna end up killing yourself." I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "Andrew, please. You're stronger than this, I know you can find a way."

When we broke apart, silence filled the rest of the evening. When I took him back to his room, I replayed what I said over and over. Those were not the words of a professional and even though I tried to care, I couldn't. If I had been in Andrew's shoes, I would have wanted him to say the same thing (another indication that it was the wrong thing to do). The only thing I took solace in was that Andrew didn't want to talk about it either.

At least, not aloud. Before I shut his door, I caught his eye. I saw the same thing I saw in Teddy's eyes that day on the hospital steps. It was a light, bright and shining through dark clouds that was his insanity.

It would be the last time I saw Andrew for a long time.

The next morning it was Teddy who graced my office door. I knew by the way he carried himself.

"Mornin' Chuck." He said, confirming my speculations.

"Mornin Teddy," I nodded my head.

He sat in the same chair Andrew sat in the day before. I watched him slump into a comfortable position the way only Teddy could. I did my best not to stare.

We sat in silence for what seemed years. He stared at the wall, thinking as usual, while I stared at him and tried to displace all the bad thoughts that ran through my mind.

Then his eyes gazed lazily over to mine and he smirked.

"What cha thinkin, boss?"

"I'm thinkin you spend way too much time here."

"Me? Never." I laughed, which made Teddy laugh too.

He hadn't laughed since he set foot on this island, and possibly even before then. My spirits lifted at that.

"It has to be a Portland thing, staying inside."

"Seattle."

"Whatever."

So we talked. That was when the story of Rachel Solando surfaced. A month later, Teddy confided in me that he actually asked for 'this case' to find Andrew Laeddis, the man who killed his wife, Dolores.

I told John that night that we were in trouble. I thought nothing of it when Andrew remained Teddy for nearly a month, resetting himself every three or four days; it had happened before and he always came out of it. But Teddy never mentioned his other half, Andrew Laeddis, and from what he told me that day, Teddy's Andrew as not the real Andrew.

"It's like Teddy is trying to push Andrew out of existence," I told John franticly, "He thinks his wife died in a fire and he's using this Rachel Solando character to write off his kids."

John sighed wearily, "I was afraid of this. If his delusions get worse, Andrew might become violent. If he becomes too violent to manage…"

John didn't have to say it. We both knew what would happen.

"I can try changing his medication. Last time it seemed to help."

"I don't think medication is going to fix this, Lester."

"You always say that."

"It's the truth. Medicine only subdues the patients. It won't make his delusions go away."

"Then maybe they shouldn't."

John studied me and took in what I said. There was no secret I took this case personally but even I was taken back by my words.

"I wish it were that easy, Lester. I really do."

We spent the next days trying to figure out what could be done about Andrew. As we feared, he became more paranoid. He became fixated on the lighthouse and was certain experiments taking place there. Ghost soldiers, he said. Of all the patients John and I encountered, Andrew was by far the most imaginative.

Then he'd reset.

It played out that way for ten more months. Occasionally, there was no Chuck and I was just Dr. Sheehan. Rarely, he wouldn't even be on an assignment, he was just here. That was the strangest part. No explanation; no recreated roles for any of the staff and I to play. Andrew was just here, floating about in his own mind.

However, more often then not, he acted out his story line. Andrew became increasingly violent. He started writing in codes, tricking himself into trying to realize he _was_ Andrew Laeddis and not Teddy Daniels. The Law of Four, he called it.

The only ones who could ever keep him calm were me and Emily.

We hired her a year before Andrew came to Ashecliffe. She wasn't his main nurse at first but something about her eased his mind. Emily and I grew close because of Andrew or Teddy as we were now calling him. I never realized how close until he pointed it out.

"What's with you and the redhead?" Teddy asked me.

We were outside smoking cigarettes again. It was starting to get stormy.

"What redhead?" I asked, pretending I didn't know what he meant hoping he'd change the subject.

"Don't act dumb, you know exactly what I'm talking about." He smirked, "We're here on business Chuck, try thinking with your head."

I glared at him. "We were just talking. That's it."

I frowned at his mischievous grin. I shouldn't have been annoyed but Teddy was right in a sense. This was a place of business; not his kind but business all the same. I knew what he was implying and I didn't like it; not at all.

"I'm just teasing. I didn't know you liked her so much."

"So I can't have a decent conversation with a pretty girl, boss? Nothing's going on."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"Alright, smartass," I said in a much lighter tone, "What do _you_ think's going on?"

"That's none of my business," he shrugged.

"You make it your business, boss. Otherwise you wouldn't have said anything."

He looked at me and thought for a moment.

"Just don't let her slip by Chuck. Once you do, you'll never get her back. You might not see it, but the rest of us do. A girl like that's hard to find. You better marry her one day."

He threw down his cigarette and stepped on it.

"It looks like it might rain. Come on, we have a crazy woman to find."

He never mentioned it again and he didn't have too. Plant a seed the right way and it'll grow, right? It got harder for me to focus on helping Andrew. To me, Teddy was Andrew now. John was the only thing keeping me on track.

We finally broke through to Andrew but only for two days. The Warden, the other doctors, everyone else was getting impatient. Teddy already injured more staff and other patients than any other patient on the island. We were told to fix the problem or we'd have to incapacitate him.

Then John thought of something so out-of-box and dangerous, at the time I was certain it would work. The plan took seven months to set up and convince the board to allow us to try our idea.

We were going to allow Andrew to act out his delusion.

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**Thankies for reading! I hope it wasn't too angsty. As per usual, Flames will be used to light fireworks!**


	2. Chapter 2: Cawley

**How To Save A Life**

**_Chapter 2: Cawley_**

**I'm so bad. I have major writers block for my other two fics so I went ahead and finished this chapter. Cawley's was the hardest to write and the only one unfinished, but I think I like this chapter the best. I decided that since Sheehan was the 'before' part, Cawley would be the 'during', and Emily will be the 'after'. I hope you enjoy (esp. Ginger Locks; you're like the only reason I keep writing because no matter what, you ALWAYS read and review my stuff. For that I thank you. =] )**

**I don't own Shutter Island. If I did, Teddy would be with me and Dolores would be a thing of the past! ;P**

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They told me that I was selfish.

They asked me how I could put my staff and my patients in danger like that. They asked me how I could let ambition hinder my judgment and narrow my vision. They asked me how it feels to be proven wrong; to be proven I was irresponsible and reckless.

I gave up trying to explain that there is more to it than that.

I really cared for Andrew, I did. I wanted to fix him, not tear him apart and shove him in a corner to be forgotten like so many other doctors did; like Naehring and the Warden wanted us to do.

I don't mind being called a fool and I'm too old to care about my reputation. I did the right thing. I did everything I could to help my patient and that is all I could do. I wasn't even angry about my car, which Andrew so quickly lit a fire and blew up.

But I did worry about Lester. He took the hardest hit; the emotional one. He _really _cared for Andrew. He even cared about Teddy. They were like his brothers and when the plan failed, Lester fell apart. Thankfully, Emily was there to try and put the pieces back together.

If Emily wasn't around, I don't know what I'd do. She's a strong woman, stronger than most men I know; stronger than me. Being Andrew and Teddy's main nurse, I'm certain she took the hit just as hard as we did. I wish I knew how she hid her pain.

We asked a lot from her and she never complained. Even when we asked her to play Rachel, she didn't question our judgment.

"You don't have to do this, Emily." I reminded her as we went over the plan one last time.

"But I want too," she told me firmly, "This is going to help Andrew and I want to do my part."

Lester sat beside her on the other side of my desk, fiddling with his unlit cigarette.

"You sure you're able to play insane?" he said. He put the cigarette away and smirked. "We all know you're a good liar… but acting is a different story."

Emily hit him playfully on the arm. I was used to their flirtations at this point, even if they denied it.

"I work around insanity twenty-four hours a day," she retorted, "not to mention mental patients. I think I have this in the bag."

I did my best to hide my grin when Lester frowned.

"We'll have to dye your hair," I said making an effort to change the subject. "Nothing permanent; just something to last for when Teddy meets you. It'll keep him from possibly recognizing you."

"Not a problem." She smiled.

Then Lester and I spent seven months piecing the plan together. It was a simple plan: allow Andrew to fully act out his fantasy he built for himself and in the end show him the truth.

Together, we convinced the board it would work. This had to work, we told them. There was no possibility that it wouldn't. We compared notes, wrote up scripts, and studied the weather religiously in looks for a storm, which was vital to Andrew's story. We set up an empty room and worked on leaving clues for Andrew to find. The clues were the most important part.

They were his Law of Four.

The Law of Four was Andrew's way of fighting back against Teddy. The reality of it all was the whole delusion was Andrew fighting against Teddy. While Teddy did his best to try and erase Andrew, Andrew would find a way around it in dreams, notes, and codes.

The story always ended the same way; at the lighthouse. Before Teddy was about to reset, he would bring up the lighthouse. In his mind, he was sure it was a place of experimentation. Teddy created the idea that the government was trying to create 'Ghost Soldiers' as he called them and he would fight to prove himself right.

Nine months prior to that final day, Teddy finally reached the lighthouse. He fought and injured two guards to get there. Lester went to the mainland the day before for a meeting and when Teddy realized he was missing, he became erratic. He firmly believed we got to 'Chuck' and was holding him captive in the lighthouse.

When he arrived however, and saw that what he was looking for was not there, he shut down. He slumped into the corner of the top room and sat there. It was Emily who finally brought him out of his dazed state long enough to get him to the hospital.

I gave him a concoction of sedatives when he arrived. When he saw the infirmary, he began fighting the orderlies. I didn't want to sedate him. However, I quickly realized Andrew wasn't going to calm down anytime soon.

"Andrew," I said, sitting next to his bed in the infirmary, "How are you feeling?"

He wouldn't look at me.

"Andrew, you saw the lighthouse. You can't deny it anymore. You're not Teddy Daniels and your wife did not die in a fire." I sighed wearily.

"It can't be true," he whispered to me.

"But it is, Andrew. You have to face and accept it." I did my best to drill in my words. "We're running out of options. Tell me you understand."

He looked me in the eyes and I saw the shadow of a broken man who was too shattered to place back together.

"You're a good man, Doc. Just not good enough."

Before I was able to protest, he fell a sleep from the sedatives. He was Andrew for one more day afterwards. Lester returned that morning, and when he went to speak to Andrew, Andrew won't have anything to do with him. In his mind, Lester betrayed him and Andrew told him as much. Lester would never admit it, but those words hurt him deeply. The following day, Andrew woke and he was Teddy again, reset and asking where he was.

I've been told a smart man would have given up on Andrew. If so, then I am far from a smart man.

I put myself on the line for him. I've been questioned as to why I believed so strongly that I could fix him. He was a murder. He killed his wife and allowed her to dwell in her delusions while she was alive. How can you forgive that?

What I wouldn't say, was I never placed any blame on him.

That's why I believed in Andrew so much. I saw a glimpse of myself in him. Had my wife, who I would go to the ends of the earth for, been in such torment as Dolores was, I would have acted the in same fashion. Regrettably, yes, but truthful all the same.

How is a person supposed to react to a truth so earth shattering as knowing the one person you love and care for is ill beyond repair? Normal human beings already deny their most minute problems by ignoring them; wouldn't the response be the same for the more grand scale ones? Nevertheless, there isn't a single person who wants to admit the resemblance in themselves and people like Andrew.

So I tried to fix him.

It started off smoothly. We timed when Teddy was going to reset and placed him on the ferry with Lester. When they arrived, all the staff treated them like real Marshals and we discussed the allusive Rachel. All the while, a storm we were tracking was drawing closer.

We allowed him to interview staff and patients. It was to my displeasure when several didn't take this seriously, but it was all for the best. It would later raise the suspicion Teddy needed. Then we brought in Emily as Rachel.

I don't regret asking Emily to play Rachel. Yet, had I known then what I realized as I watched her play her part, I would have reconsidered. It never occurred to me until that moment that Emily actually felt something for Teddy. As she made her passes and inched closer and closer to him, I almost stopped the game at that moment.

We told her to do it, we encouraged her to make passes; she's just pretending. That was what I tried to tell myself but I knew I was lying. A person can only pretend so well until what you're pretending and what you're feeling intertwine. What I saw in Emily was past that. Afterwards, when we lead him away, I debated internally what my course of action would be. I decided I wouldn't press the issue. If it took this long for me to finally see what was building over the past two years, then there was a possibility that it wasn't as much of a problem as I thought.

Then the storm proved worse than expected.

I did not worry about Andrew; he was still under the watchful eye of Lester. What I did fret over was with the storm now gone; it would be time for 'Chuck' to make a disappearance. Lester agonized for weeks over if and when he should make his escape we first drew up the plan.

"John, I don't know if this is a good idea." He was pacing in my office, fiddling with his cigarette.

"It has to be done. This is Teddy's plan; we stray from it, we won't get the results we're looking for."

"But it'll kill him." He sat down in the chair in front of my desk and ran his hands through his hair. "You saw what happened last time. How am I supposed look him in eyes when he finds out I betrayed him again?"

I took a deep breath and pondered my response.

"It's for the best," I finally said, "He'll forgive you." Lester frowned and stared at the floor. I knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"I hope so," was all he could say.

We counted on Lester leaving, and Teddy becoming anxious. What we didn't count on was losing him.

We first lost him when Lester was supposed to give him Laeddis' intake form. Lester came back frantic because the paper fell down a cliff and Teddy went after it. We waited till day break the next morning to search for him, the warden bitterly leading the way. Sadly, it was he who found Teddy and returned him.

I never wished ill on anyone, yet a part of me hoped the warden would push Teddy to the breaking point. We'd break the fight of course, but only after Teddy had his say. Wrong of me as it was, I knew I wasn't the only one with the same thought. The Warden was a very unpopular person.

I took Teddy back to the compound, we talked. I waited for the opportunity in which I would deny Chuck ever existed. I couldn't help but find it amusing, Teddy's seriousness. I blamed it on lack of sleep. What really got me, was the 'Bob is insane' reference. Terrible joke as it was, the truth that stemmed from it made it funnier than it really was.

Then we lost him a second time.

He was supposed to escape; it was given. We gave the orderly Trey, specific instructions that he was to give Andrew. However, unlike what was planned, Andrew did not go straight to the lighthouse. He was missing for another night and the warden lost his patience.

Then Teddy blew up my car.

I was more stunned than angry. All I thought as I watched the fire rage was '_who fucking blows up a car?' _We searched everywhere; the compound, the caves, the ferry, and even the cemetery. We found him during the second search of the ferry. He wasn't aware, but I saw him dive into the water. I acted as if I didn't see him and brought up the lighthouse in hopes he would hear me.

When he finally arrived at the lighthouse, telling him the truth was hard. Hard because he didn't want to believe it, hard because I was hanging on a fragile thread, hard because he looked at us as if we were monsters.

Maybe we were.

Emily administered a new drug to him to help him sleep and clear his mind. He woke up as Andrew and while we could breath a little easier, we weren't out in the clear yet. The next day would be the final test. If Andrew could remain himself, if he could hold on to his sanity for another day, than we would have succeeded and he wouldn't have to face a terrible fate.

The final morning, Lester and I were up before dawn pacing and waiting. It was almost noon when Andrew came out from the building, dressed and seemingly calm. I waited with the warden as Lester talked to him. If Lester shook his head, Andrew was to be taken immediately and lobotomized; no questions asked.

I wasn't aware I was holding my breath until Lester turned to me and shook his head.

Disappointment is a terrible emotion. The sense of loss is a terrible emotion. Knowing you've failed is another terrible emotion. Neither could compare to the how I felt that moment. Failing to save a life is the most terrible emotion a person can have. It's failure, disappointment, and loss crashing down on you in one quick movement.

As we lead Teddy away, I lost a piece of my soul and as I removed Teddy and Andrew from their body permanently, I lost my heart and since of hope for the world as well.

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**Poor John. I tried my best to capture what he was feeling, especially at the end. The actor who played him in the movie did a wonderful job. I wonder what sad memory he had to bring up to make that face at the end of the movie when Lester shook his head. **

**Anyways, thanks for reading =)**


	3. Chapter 3: Emily

**How To Save A Life**

**__****Chapter 3: Emily**

**First off, I don't own Shutter Island... I keep saying this in hopes it'll become habit btw. **

**Secondly, the whole reason for this fic boils down to this. If you've only watched the movie, this might confuse you. For those who've read the book however, know that Emily is a minor character who also doubled as fake Rachel. If you read my _For the Love of Insanity_ fic BEFORE I took it down (still grumbling about that btw) You already know that in my mind Emily felt something for Andrew/Teddy. **

**That said, here is a look at what I think she was going through. Her last name isn't given so I gave her the surname Dell. **

**That said, enjoy!**

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It has been a year since Andrew died.

It pains me to see that Lester still blames himself for what happened. Even when I yell at him, telling him that he is turning into Andrew, Lester just looks at me with sad eyes. It is all for the better I suppose.

His pain distracts him from noticing mine.

Not a day goes by I don't think about Andrew and Teddy. I'm not grieving for him, but little things spark memories that avalanche into reminiscence of the two years I spent with them. Their jokes, all the cigarettes I lit for them, and twice when Teddy was in control, when I almost kissed him.

Lester knew about the second time.

I was in disguise as the fake Rachel Solando. My job was to pretend Teddy was a real officer, then pretend he was my husband named Jim, and finally snap when I realized he wasn't. Lester and John even encouraged I make a pass at Teddy. What they would have done if Teddy hadn't stopped me from pressing my lips to his is something I don't even think they thought about and it is a good thing it never happened.

The first time I almost kissed Teddy, no one knows about except Teddy and me.

We were outside walking the grounds. It was a year before my stunt as Rachel. He was interviewing me as he always did and I answered the same as I always did.

"Rachel's a sweet girl, Marshal," I said, "Sure, she did some bad things but she couldn't help herself. She was sick and no one got her the help she needed."

I was actually talking about Dolores, Teddy and Andrew's wife, hoping Teddy would remember my words and apply them when he became Andrew again.

"She killed her kids; drowned them," Teddy said harshly, "there isn't an excuse for that no matter how 'sick' she may be."

All I could think was if he only knew the truth.

"As a nurse in a mental institution Marshal Daniels, I can assure you that in most cases an excuse is not enough. However, if you met Rachel and talked to her during the few times she _does_ remember what she did, you'd see exactly what I mean. The grief that radiates off her is overwhelming. If she could go back and kill herself instead of her babies, she would. She's told me that much and even tried to once or twice. That's what scares me, Marshal. Without proper supervision… we'll be finding a body instead of a patient."

Teddy looked me over and took in my words. I admit even I was surprised at how convincing I sounded, even though I was telling some truth. The difference was I was thinking about Andrew instead of fake Rachel. It was the same scenario, just a different name. When Andrew was in control, he would tell me he wished he could have died instead of his wife and kids. Andrew was the one who tried to kill himself.

"We'll find her, Ms. Dell, there ain't no doubt about that." He told me assuredly.

I smiled. Moments like that made me forget Teddy wasn't real. Then the wind picked up, and blew his hat off his head. He made a snatch for it but it slipped passed his fingers. When it flew passed me, I ran making a snatch for it and caught it.

Teddy chuckled and I laughed. I don't remember what was so funny about his hat flying in the wind, but I do remember the sparkle that lit in his eyes. We met each other halfway and he bent his head forward, allowing me to place the hat back in its proper place.

Standing up straight, he looked me in the eyes and stared. That was when I inched forward, staring back at him.

That moment was when I almost kissed him.

However, I blinked. I realized I was too close and stepped back. If he noticed my sudden change in disposition, he didn't say anything. Instead, he smiled.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." I muttered, turning away from him. "I'm sure your partner… what's his name?"

"Chuck Aule."

"Yes, I'm sure Marshal Aule is wondering where you've ran off too." I dared to look back just in time to see him laugh.

"Probably; Chuck's turning out to be a big worry wart."

With that, we walked back to the hospital in silence. We found Lester talking to Deputy Warden McPherson. There I dropped off Teddy and went back to Ward A to tend to my other duties.

I spent the rest of the day wondering what was wrong with me. I knew what I was feeling and it was not a feeling one should get from a mental patient. I eventually decided that ignoring the strange mixture of happiness and excitement when I saw him was the best routine.

It was hard to do and when John asked me to play a part in that elaborate plan to help Andrew I said yes more out of fear. I was afraid that they would know the moment I uttered 'no'. I was afraid that Lester, who I started seeing secretly as another attempt at getting Teddy off my mind, would pressure me into explaining why.

It was just easier to lie.

"Don't worry Em, you'll do fine," Lester said to me placing a kiss on my forehead.

It was two days before the 'event'. We were in his room sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall and going over the makeshift script.

"I know," I sighed and Lester gave me a goofy smile.

I smiled back despite myself. I was caring for Lester more than I wanted to admit and it would be after my stunt as Rachel before I'd say it aloud.

Even so, a part of me still belonged to Teddy.

The way he looked at me as I sat on that hospital bed made my heart flutter and my heart pounded when I reached out and touched him. It was easy to say my lines lustfully when deep down I meant them.

Only when Teddy stopped me did I remember that we weren't alone and I was supposed to be pretending. Once again, it was easy pretending to be hurt when I actually was. The hardest part was 'fighting' the orderlies until Teddy, Lester, and the others were out of ear shot.

I spent the rest of that night praying. I prayed this radical plan worked that way I wouldn't have to deal with Andrew or Teddy ever again and that my feelings for Teddy would disappear. My prayers were not answered.

When John called me in and told me give him a sedative to sleep, my heart broke when I saw him. I thought it would be easy. My hair was its natural red. There was no way he could know. Yet, even with the dye out of my hair, he knew me.

"It was you," he said when I gave him the sedative. "You're Rachel."

I tried not to look him in the eye but it proved futile when he's caught mine and he told me spitefully what a good actress I was.

"I'm Emily," I told him.

I wanted him to remember me. I wanted the fog to lift from his mind and realize who I was and how much I cared for him.

He pleaded with me but I couldn't say the words he wanted to hear. I looked back and we stared at each other. Inside, I was screaming, 'yes, it was me! Remember me?' on the outside, I remained silent.

It was the last time I'd see Teddy or Andrew again.

Andrew woke up the next day and told John and Lester what they wanted to hear. The next day, Teddy woke up and told Lester what he didn't want to hear. I cried in an empty closet when Martha, another nurse, told me what happened.

He didn't last long after the surgery. The sight still haunts my dreams. I see him, sitting on a bed looking at me but he's not _looking_ at me. He wasn't even a he. He was an it. It was just a body. He became one of the Ghosts he was so much afraid of. The soul was gone and a week after the surgery, he died.

It's been a year today since his death.

Lester refused to go with me to the mainland and John was too busy with paper work. It didn't take long on the ferry. The sea was calm and the sky was clear. The cemetery where we buried him next to his wife and kids was an hour away from the port.

When we buried him a year ago, Lester, John, Dolores' sister Delilah, Andrew's last partner Something Johnson, and I were the only ones to show. Delilah was the biggest surprise.

"I never blamed him," she said laying flowers in front of his headstone. "He loved my sister; we all did and we were all blind. He never deserved this."

I did my best to bite my tongue. Andrew and Teddy didn't need a fight at their funeral but it took all my will power not to cut her down. Who was she to say so easily that he never deserved this fate? Where was she when he woke up in fright? Where was she, as he slowly lost himself?

She knew nothing about Andrew and Teddy. Yet I kept my thoughts to myself because I knew I couldn't blame her for something she didn't do. I also couldn't stay angry with the one person on our side, especially when her parents fought so hard _not_ to allow us to bury Andrew there. At the time I didn't even know why I was angry or why I was directing it towards someone who was nothing but kind to me, I just was.

I sighed and sat next to his headstone and leaned against it. I took a moment and studied the ground that covered his coffin. It was no longer a fresh pile of dirt. Instead, the grass had spread over it in such a way that you could barely tell where they had dug up the earth and it wouldn't be long before the line would be virtually invisible.

"Lester misses you," I whispered, pressure in my eyes building from tears that threatened to form. "I miss you. You were supposed to get better Andrew. You weren't like the other patients; you had a chance. "

I paused and closed my eyes. What was I doing? I was talking to a dead man's gravestone as if he could hear me. I squinted as the tears I fought fell out my eyes. As I sat there, trying not to cry too loudly, I realized _was_ grieving. I was grieving for a crazy man who didn't deserve to die. I was grieving for a lost friend who I loved dearly.

I was grieving for a love that never happened and as I sat there, I gave up caring whether it was right or wrong, as I wiped my face with a handkerchief from my pocket.

"You didn't deserve this Andrew. You didn't do anything wrong. She was crazy and you loved her despite of it. You were a good man Andrew and you remember that."

"He was a good man, wasn't he?"

I jumped and bumped my arm on the headstone when I turned to see who was beside me. My arm stung as I looked up; it was Lester. I didn't say anything as he sat down beside me. I could feel heat raising my cheeks. Here I was talking to a stone as if there was someone actually there to talk too. The last time I checked, that was enough to label you insane.

"I'm sorry I didn't come with you." He sat down beside me.

"Don't be sorry," I whispered. Lester reached up and brushed my hair back out my face.

"You know what he told me?" Lester said, dropping his hand to take mine, "Before he died?"

"What?" I sniffled, trying to gain composure.

"He told me not to ever let you go."

Lester pulled me to him and kissed me lightly on the lips and then the forehead. He pulled back but kept his face closed to mine so that I could only see his eyes. My heart swelled. It had been a long time since I saw Lester smile and have the smile reach his eyes and at that moment, he was doing just that.

"Emily?"

I didn't say anything but I gave him a look that told him I was listening.

"I love you." He said, "I've loved you even before I knew I loved you. Even Teddy knew I loved you before I knew and before he died, before he got worse, he told me not to ever let you go. He told me, 'because once you do, and you'll never get her back Chuck. You better marry that girl.' Well Emily, I want you to marry me."

I took a deep breath and let it sink in. Of all the places and of all the times to propose, Lester chose now and to anyone else, it would have been inappropriate. I knew Lester though, better than anyone else and I knew why he chose now. He was letting them know he was letting go.

In that moment, I did too. They weren't coming back and they deserved to rest in peace. For the first time in a very long time, I felt truly happy. In an instant, the grieve I felt left me and it was like they let us know it was okay. I couldn't help but smile.

"It's about time."

I saw relief wash over him and he grinned as he pulled me to him to kiss me. Andrew was gone; Teddy was gone, but right then, for that brief moment he was there with us. And knowing them they were right next to us saying the exact same thing I just said: it's about time.

* * *

**I may be Queen of Angst but I love happy endings and I couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I did. Thanks for reading!**


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